Going through divorce can be one of the most painful experiences of your life. No matter what the circumstances, the end of a marriage or relationship means pain, stress, doubt and uncertainty. Here are three steps to help you get over your breakup and move forward into a new and rewarding life - the one you really want and deserve to have.
Step 1: Face Reality and Let Go of the Past
A lot of the pain we experience during a breakup is caused by simply finding it hard to accept that the marriage or relationship really is over. We try to hang on to the past. We wish things had been different. We replay and analyse past events in our mind. Soul-searching is part of the process of grieving a lost relationship and can be a good thing. But if we beat ourselves up for the mistakes we have made (or think we have made) in the past, all it does is make us feel worse, lower our self esteem and confidence and hold us back from moving on.
Make an agreement with yourself that you will accept that your marriage was a part of your life that has now ended. Let go of the past and you’ll be much more able to deal with the present in a constructive way.
Step 2: Feel Gratitude
Many people look back on the end of their marriage or relationship and say it was one of the best things that ever happened to them. Of course, this is easier to see in hindsight. But the truth is that your marriage breakup is not the end of the world. Ask yourself: “What do I have in my life right now that I am really grateful for? What really is good about my life right now?”. If you struggle to find any answers, keep asking yourself the questions.
The truth is that we all live in the best time in human history. The quality of your life is better than for 95% of people who are living right now, and more than 99% better than all the people who have ever lived!
When you feel grateful for what you have - rather than beating yourself up for what you don’t have - you automatically put your life in a better flow.
Step 3: Change Your Focus
Whatever you focus on, you get more of. As you go through your breakup, is your focus positive or negative? It is natural to feel stress and pain, but the truth is that you CAN choose instead to focus on things that make you feel better. The way to change your focus is to ask yourself better questions. When you’re feeling down, ask yourself:
- “What lessons am I learning right now?”
- “How is this experience making me stronger?”
- “What’s great about this?”
- “What am I doing now that I couldn’t be doing if I was still in this marriage or relationship?”
- “What will I be able to do in the future that I couldn’t have done if I was still in this marriage or relationship?”
- “I don’t know what will happen in the future - but isn’t it possible it could be great?”
It takes time to heal from a marriage or relationship breakup. But how you feel during the process and how long it takes is up to you. Follow the three steps above and your days will become brighter. And, difficult as it may seem to believe, there will come a day when your life will be better than you expected and you say to yourself: “My marriage or relationship breakup was one of the best things that ever happened to me.”
Let’s be honest, you’re not the first person to go through a divorce or relationship breakup! But “this too shall pass”. See your breakup for what it really is: a change in your life and an opportunity to grow and enhance your life.