If you're having problems in your marriage or relationship, you've probably asked yourself:
"What is the cause?"
When I ask this question in my coaching, I usually get answers like:
Poor communication
Lack of intimacy
Not spending enough time together
Too much outside stress and pressure
Drifting apart
Perhaps you have answers that are similar?
But here's the thing:
None of these are the true cause of the problems in your relationship.
They are all the symptoms of your problems, but they're not the cause.
So what is the true cause?
It's always just one thing:
Fear
Specifically, your fears about your relationship.
Let me explain why.....
When you are afraid for the consequences of your marriage, you do all the wrong things.
When you're worried that your marriage might end - and what that would mean for you - you end up putting pressure on your spouse.
You try to get them to communicate with you ("let's talk..."), to go to counselling, to "work on" your problems together.
You try to make them feel good by being overly nice to them.
You try to change their mind about wanting to leave.
You get upset when they say or do something hurtful to you.
And you walk around on eggshells, desperately hoping that things will change.
But none of these things help.
They usually only just make things worse.
Why?
Because they don't make you any more attractive to your spouse. They don't give them any more reason to want to be with you.
But, when you STOP being afraid and worried about your marriage - it's only then that you can start being attractive to your spouse again.
When you're not afraid you go back to being the happy, unstressed, easy-going, fun person that they fell in love with in the first place.
And the person they can fall in love with again.
Learn to do the things that will get your spouse falling back in love with you.
And stop doing the wrong things.
But the most important thing of all is to get rid of your fears and anxiety about your marriage.
Because when you do that, you automatically start doing the right things - and stop doing the wrong things.
When you get rid of the fears and worries that are causing you to be stressed, anxious and which only push your spouse further away....
...you'll not only heal your marriage and solve your problems, but you'll create a joy and intimacy like you've never experienced before.
