If you're looking for better sex in your marriage, take heart. Most couples are! Couples who have been together for a while often experience a decline in their sexual relationship. Whereas early on they felt lots of passion and lust, with time their sex life can become mundane or even non-existent. Yet it doesn't need to be that way. If your sex life has become dull - or even if you are in a sexless marriage -  here are some things you can do to get the fun sex back again.

  1. Smile at your partner. This sounds so basic, yet when was the time you looked deeply into the eyes of your partner or spouse and gave them a great big smile? What has this got to do with better sex? Smiling makes you both feel good and it creates a sense of connection that is easy to lose with the pressures of life. So consciously give your partner a big smile the next time you see them, and make a note to yourself that you will do this at least three times a day. Make it a habit.
  2. Find a way to laugh with your partner or spouse. Again, laughing together is a great way to ensure you have a better sex life too. It doesn't matter if it's reading out a joke from the newspaper, but find something to share a laugh about. Laughing is another way to reconnect with your partner and by sharing a 'good' emotion such as laughter together, you strengthen the good feelings around your relationship.
  3. Go somewhere different - just the two of you. It is so easy to settle into a routine, and routine is the enemy of a great sex life. Yet if you break the routine, and try something novel or new, you stimulate new parts of your brain. It needn't be somewhere fancy; it could just be another part of town or even to a new event or festival. But go with the intention of sharing the experience actively with your partner - talk about it and your feelings and reactions both during and after the event. Have fun together - and good sex will find its way back onto the agenda.
  4. Explore some sexual fantasies. Let's face it, sex can become boring. Actually, sex seems to be the only part of people's lives where they do the same thing for years, and then can't understand why they get bored with it! Talk to each other about a sexual fantasy you may have thought of (a good time to talk about your fantasies is when you are making love and are already aroused.). See how your partner reacts - you may be pleasantly surprised. Then go beyond talking about it and make some plans to experience them together.
  5. Make the commitment to yourself that your marriage is the most important thing in your life. Realise that your fulfilment as a human being is tied in very deeply to the quality of your sexual relationship. You can have everything else but if you lack true intimacy with another person - and that means on a sexual level - your life will be lacking. If you put your relationship first don't be concerned that your partner might not do the same; the first and essential step is for you to act as if you were in the ideal relationship. And remember too that great sex comes as the result of a great marriage relationship, not the other way around.

If you really want better sex in your marriage or relationship (and especially if you are in a sexless marriage) the starting place is to recreate many of the things you did when your relationship was fresh, new and exciting. This is the key to creating a long-term marriage or relationship that remains sexually exciting and fulfilling.

Also read Liam Naden's best selling book, "The Sexless Marriage Cure: How to Get Your Spouse (or You) Interested in Sex Again."

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Anthony M., Australia

I like the way you approach issues and it works. A big thank you.