The Purpose of Your Relationship - and Your Life

When it comes to marriage, one of the most important questions to ask yourself is whether or not you're in the right one. How do you know if this is the marriage that will bring you happiness and fulfillment? This question is critical because being in the right marriage can shape the purpose of your life and contribute to your overall happiness.

According to a philosopher's tale, the purpose of life is to be happy. Your relationship plays a significant role in this journey towards happiness. Your marriage should meet your needs and help you become the best version of yourself. Without the right marriage, you may struggle to experience true love, intimacy, and fulfillment. Furthermore, being in the wrong marriage can send the wrong message to your children about what a healthy relationship truly is.

Defining Your Needs and Wants

In order to determine if you're in the right marriage, you must first define what you truly want and need. What are the most important feelings that you want to experience on a day-to-day basis? Do you value happiness, peace, security, freedom, adventure, love, intimacy, or passion? Reflecting on these feelings can help you understand what you need to be happy.

Consider your ideal lifestyle as well. Would you prefer a simple and peaceful life in the countryside, or would you rather travel the world and experience new adventures? Understanding your ideal lifestyle can also shed light on what you need from your marriage.

Creating Your Ideal Marriage

Now, step away from your current situation and envision your ideal marriage. Imagine yourself in an ideal world where you and your partner are perfectly matched. What activities would you do together? What feelings would you bring out in each other? This exercise allows you to see how your vision aligns with your current reality.

Partner Compatibility

Next, evaluate the compatibility between your ideal life and your partner's needs and desires. Are your needs and values aligned? Do you both desire the same feelings and lifestyle? Understanding the compatibility of your needs is crucial in determining if you can meet each other's expectations.

Consider if you are willing to meet your spouse's needs and if you believe they can meet yours. Reflect on whether your partner has ever fulfilled your needs in the past. Evaluating these factors can give you insight into the compatibility of your relationship.

Reflecting on the Beginning

Take a trip down memory lane and recall the early days of your relationship. What drew you to your spouse in the first place? Were your values and feelings aligned? Reflect on any doubts or fears that may have arisen when you decided to get married. Understanding why you got married in the first place can provide valuable insight into the current state of your relationship.

Evaluating Your True Feelings

It's essential to take an honest look at your true feelings for your spouse. Make a list of the things you genuinely like about their personality. Focus on their positive traits that initially attracted you to them. Conversely, create a list of things you would like to change about their personality. Assess the importance of these changes to you and the difficulty of implementing them.

Understanding Why You're Here

Finally, identify the reasons why you're still in your marriage. Consider the positive reasons, such as cherishing the good memories and recognizing your partner's good qualities. On the other hand, be aware of any negative reasons driven by fear, guilt, financial concerns, or cultural and religious beliefs. Understanding why you're still in your marriage can help you assess the overall health and viability of the relationship.


By going through this process, you should gain clarity on whether you're in the right marriage or not. Remember, knowing the truth is only the first step. What you do with this knowledge is up to you. Your happiness and needs should be the priority, and if they are not being met, it may be time to reevaluate your situation.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How do I know if my marriage is the right one for me?

To determine if your marriage is the right one for you, it's important to reflect on your needs, wants, and feelings. Consider whether your spouse meets your needs and helps you achieve the feelings and lifestyle you desire. Evaluate the compatibility between your ideal life and your partner's desires. It's crucial to be honest with yourself throughout this process.

2. What should I do if I realize I'm in the wrong marriage?

If you come to the realization that you're in the wrong marriage, it's essential to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Consider seeking professional help, such as relationship coaching, to explore your options and navigate through this challenging situation. Remember, your needs and happiness are paramount.

3. Can a troubled marriage be saved?

Yes, a troubled marriage can be saved with the right tools, information, and commitment from both partners. Seeking professional guidance and working on effective communication, understanding, and compromise can help rebuild the relationship. However, it's essential to assess whether both partners are willing to put in the necessary effort and if their needs can be met within the relationship.

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I have to say I wouldn’t be here right now without your programs and the help they have given me. I found out my wife was having an affair back in March. Since then a lot has changed. She went from being “disgusted by me and not wanting to be around me at all” to being in the kitchen the other night starting your program together after she suggested we do it together.